cycles

when i was ten or so, i imagined that one of the glories of becoming an adult was the freedom to stop by the circle k anytime to buy as many marathon bars as you wanted.  i dreamt of buying ten at a time and eating all but one.  i also imagined staying up late, drinking soda and watching R rated movies would sustain me.

now, however, the candy that sits on the kitchen table doesn't tempt me at all.  no, i want pie and cake and buttery pastry filled with fruit.  i want homemade cookies and bread.  thick pads of salty, cold butter to spread on muffins or scones.  i yearn for an earlier bedtime, dislike soda and never notice a movie's rating unless my own children are involved.

last night e asked me if i would enjoy going back, knowing all that i know now.  would i like to revisit eighth grade and study ancient history and algebraic graphs?  would it all be easier and more enjoyable with the perspective of my adult life?  i couldn't lie to her.  hell, no.